School of Athens

Out of all of the artwork that I was able to see on my trip to Rome, the little known painting that sits just outside the Sistine Chapel is my favorite.  Most people on their pilgrimage to the Sistine walk right past it, and continue on to the small room that has a pretty fancy ceiling.  Little do those people know that the fresco and paint that they walked past is probably one of the finest examples of inclusion in the Catholic Church.  

Besides the fact that I am a math teacher and pretty much anyone who was anyone appeared in this painting, the most amazing part is that it was commissioned by the Catholic Church, which was not known at the time for being a very accepting place for anyone who was not white, male, and rich.  If you did not happen to fit into that category, you were very much a second class citizen within your own religion.  Times have changed of course, but that is why I love this painting so much, it was centuries beyond the paradigm of the day.

Take a look at the photo, see if you can notice the subtle diversity:

Look Closely

Photo Credit 1

Is that a brown guy talking to a white chick in the lower-left of the picture?  Check it out.  See that moody guy sitting there on the desk or whatever?  Look to his left.  Brown guy and a white chick.  Awesome.  Wow, also check out the archway on the right side.  More brown guys!  Way to go Catholics!

This was the early 1500's.  The Arab world had created math and pretty much everything else worth living for centuries earlier than most of the Western World, but of course very few Westerners were willing to acknowledge that in any way whatsoever. 

Not Raphael.  Homie don't play that.  In a time of crusty white people pretty much ruling anything God/Government - he threw an awesome display of diversity right down the street from the seat of power. Talk about a rebel.  Makes Banksy seem kinda like a poser.

Hypatia was so Bad Ass!

Photo Credit 2

Photo Credit 1: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c3/Raphael_School_of_Athens.jpg/1280px-Raphael_School_of_Athens.jpg

Photo Credit 2: https://fajarkusumaningayu.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/school_of_athens_annotated.jpg

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend Me Your... Body Parts...

After only a few hours in Rome, any traveler begins to notice that there is something just a bit odd about the statues...

They are almost all missing one very key feature that is considered an integral part of at least half of the human population.  

There is a story that floats around the historical circles, which of course is probably just unsubstantiated rumor, about a Pope that got pissed off and went on a hunt to emasculate all of Rome.  Well, the statues that is.  The story goes on to say that there is a box of... bits... somewhere in the Vatican.

Of course, this is all rumor and hear-say, but if anyone from the Vatican ever happens upon this blog, I would love an official statement on that.  Please contact me.  

Just in case - here it is in Latin - amabo te, perscribe ad me.

Now, just in case you were wondering, I was able to find some examples of statues that had all of their bits, and some that did not.  Of course, this leads to another question.  What the hell was Hercules thinking when he was deciding to slay the Hydra naked?

Idiot

Perhaps it is just me, but even the thought of cooking something like bacon without a shirt on can send me into a panic attack, so what is he thinking?  Yes, it is a multi-headed beast, and he is searing the decapitation wounds closed while posing with it on his upper thigh.  While he most certainly lacks the basic human intelligence that we figured out when we first harnessed fire, he sure has swagger.  Guess we have to give him that.

Swagger

More Freakin' Body Parts

So, while I was in Rome, my compatriots and I stumbled across a few museums that featured some pretty awesome statues, and some were free.  Score!  Never underestimate my desire to travel cheaply and see random carved things.  Of course, I was lucky enough to stumble across some amazing works that must have been famous back in the day, but that is neither here nor there with me.  I am not one who really cares about how famous a work of art is, more interested in just seeing it and learning about it later.  I guess you can say that I travel a bit backwards, but it works for me.

Of course, one of the museums did house my third favorite work of art.  Unfortunately this was not one of the free museums, but you cannot win them all, right?  I know there is some amazing back-story to it, something about it being found in pieces by a farmer and how it is a family that the gods chose to smite - but just admit it, it looks cool.

Notice the Lack of Naughty Bits

There is no way to convey just how powerful the face of the father is in this statue.  When you are standing below the statue, there is a sense of panic and terror.  The look on his face is beyond lifelike.  You want to reach out and touch the skin because you expect it to be warm to the touch, but are somewhat scared that it might be cold with death.  It is a weird mix of emotions.

The other museum that we stumbled into that day looked more like an art class project on body parts.  It was honestly a bit awkward.  Bit of torso here, some toes there, it was like something out of a Renaissance slasher film.  

Make them beefy biceps

I call this one "Giant Picking His Nose"

Tough Actin' Tinactin 

Of course, all of these pale in comparison to my two favorite works of art, Apollo and Daphne, and The School of Athens, but those will be saved for another day. 

A bathroom on top of St. Peter's Basilica

Saint Peter's Basilica is an amazing example of architecture, culture, the ability to hoard massive amounts of artwork from different regions of the world, and a lack of planning for bathroom locations.  Things might have changed since I was there in the summer of 2008, but damn, bathrooms were a commodity in short supply.

This is the story of stolen art, Swiss Guardsmen, climbing awkward staircases, and a bathroom overlooking one of the most important locations in the Christian world.  Yes, this post will be sacrilegious.  If you have no sense of humor about the Catholic church, then I would just stop reading now.  Catch up on my next post.

If you are an art lover, the Vatican City is the place to visit.  You can find everything - from every single corner of the world.  The Catholic church spent much of recorded history... appropriating... various works of art and culture from various locations that it had influence, and a lot of them are now on display across Rome and the Vatican.  Trust me, if you can think of a culture, odds are they are represented somewhere in the Vatican.  Talk about inclusion!

If you are into fashion though, this is where the Vatican takes the cake - so to speak.

The Swiss Guard look FABULOUS!  (Make sure to say that in your head with a lilt)

Gorgeous Darling, Gorgeous!

So, after we wandered around the various museums, took pictures inside of the Sistine Chapel (another story for another time), we finally ventured into the holy of holies.  

The inside of St. Peter's is nothing short of beautiful.  You can freely wander around, but there is a very pressing sense of quiet reverence.  As we did the usual tourist things, taking pictures of amazing artwork, we found ourselves at the base of the stairs to the top of the cupola.  Having done zero research on St. Peter's and having no idea that I had issues with vertigo - we decided to go to the top.  

These stairs are the most awkward stairs in existence.  I wish I had a picture of them to explain how it feels to walk around the inside of a cupola, with stairs that are extremely narrow, following no common theme on height, where the walls are slanted harshly inward.  It is like walking around inside of a carnival fun house, with the constant feeling of falling to your left.  Somehow we made it to the top.  What a view!

No Big Deal...

Now, as I have stated before, it was quite hard to find a bathroom around the Vatican City, well at least when we were there.  Also, public bathrooms in Rome and the surrounding area leave a lot to be desired.  If you have ever wanted to see what the gates of hell look like, it is probably a Roman public toilet.  

However, this was different.  This was the Vatican, one of the most holy and sacred places in all of Christendom.  

To the left of where that picture was taken is a bathroom.  If you are ever for some reason standing on top of St. Peter's Basilica and find yourself urgently needing to go, this is the place to do it.  Trust me.  

Also, it makes for a great story to randomly bring up at parties.  

The puns that suddenly become available to you are also amazing.

Holy Seat?  Get it?  Holy See?  God, I am going to hell for that one.  Sorry.

I am going to try to balance it out with an awesome picture I took while in the Vatican. 

  Lighting Effects!