School of Athens

Out of all of the artwork that I was able to see on my trip to Rome, the little known painting that sits just outside the Sistine Chapel is my favorite.  Most people on their pilgrimage to the Sistine walk right past it, and continue on to the small room that has a pretty fancy ceiling.  Little do those people know that the fresco and paint that they walked past is probably one of the finest examples of inclusion in the Catholic Church.  

Besides the fact that I am a math teacher and pretty much anyone who was anyone appeared in this painting, the most amazing part is that it was commissioned by the Catholic Church, which was not known at the time for being a very accepting place for anyone who was not white, male, and rich.  If you did not happen to fit into that category, you were very much a second class citizen within your own religion.  Times have changed of course, but that is why I love this painting so much, it was centuries beyond the paradigm of the day.

Take a look at the photo, see if you can notice the subtle diversity:

Look Closely

Photo Credit 1

Is that a brown guy talking to a white chick in the lower-left of the picture?  Check it out.  See that moody guy sitting there on the desk or whatever?  Look to his left.  Brown guy and a white chick.  Awesome.  Wow, also check out the archway on the right side.  More brown guys!  Way to go Catholics!

This was the early 1500's.  The Arab world had created math and pretty much everything else worth living for centuries earlier than most of the Western World, but of course very few Westerners were willing to acknowledge that in any way whatsoever. 

Not Raphael.  Homie don't play that.  In a time of crusty white people pretty much ruling anything God/Government - he threw an awesome display of diversity right down the street from the seat of power. Talk about a rebel.  Makes Banksy seem kinda like a poser.

Hypatia was so Bad Ass!

Photo Credit 2

Photo Credit 1: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c3/Raphael_School_of_Athens.jpg/1280px-Raphael_School_of_Athens.jpg

Photo Credit 2: https://fajarkusumaningayu.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/school_of_athens_annotated.jpg

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend Me Your... Body Parts...

After only a few hours in Rome, any traveler begins to notice that there is something just a bit odd about the statues...

They are almost all missing one very key feature that is considered an integral part of at least half of the human population.  

There is a story that floats around the historical circles, which of course is probably just unsubstantiated rumor, about a Pope that got pissed off and went on a hunt to emasculate all of Rome.  Well, the statues that is.  The story goes on to say that there is a box of... bits... somewhere in the Vatican.

Of course, this is all rumor and hear-say, but if anyone from the Vatican ever happens upon this blog, I would love an official statement on that.  Please contact me.  

Just in case - here it is in Latin - amabo te, perscribe ad me.

Now, just in case you were wondering, I was able to find some examples of statues that had all of their bits, and some that did not.  Of course, this leads to another question.  What the hell was Hercules thinking when he was deciding to slay the Hydra naked?

Idiot

Perhaps it is just me, but even the thought of cooking something like bacon without a shirt on can send me into a panic attack, so what is he thinking?  Yes, it is a multi-headed beast, and he is searing the decapitation wounds closed while posing with it on his upper thigh.  While he most certainly lacks the basic human intelligence that we figured out when we first harnessed fire, he sure has swagger.  Guess we have to give him that.

Swagger

Capuchin Crypt

In my relatively short time on this earth, I have never seen anything half as weird as the Capuchin Crypt in Rome.  It is one of those places that pictures can hardly do justice to in trying to recreate the shocking feeling of walking through room after room that has been decorated by human remains.  

We waited across the street for a while, looking at the unassuming double staircase that is right next to the entrance of the crypt and monastery.  Upon entering we were ushered down a small passageway that led to a series of viewing areas that were on the left side as you walked in.  There is nothing that can prepare you for the utter surrealism of seeing the bones of deceased monks displayed in ornate set-ups and the knowledge that this was exactly how they wanted to be seen after death.  Chandeliers of rib bones, tables made of femurs, walls wallpapered in skulls.  It has a feeling of some sick sadist joke, but also an odd feeling of reverence.  

Nice Centerpiece 

Photo Credit 1

It only gets weirder and weirder as you head further into the crypt.  Honestly, it gets to the point where you no longer even feel like it is shocking and are starting to look for some decorating tips.  I find myself now thinking about the fact that if I ever have any vertebrae and some pelvises lying around I know that I can make a very lovely end table.  Of course it will be hard to find a lamp for it that would go with the motif, but one cannot be faulted for trying.  

So Welcoming

Photo Credit 2

I guess that the moral of the story is that someone should be allowed to do whatever they like with their remains.  These monks spent their life in service of their monastery, I guess they should be allowed to decorate it as well when they are no longer able to care for it in the physical sense.  Sure.  That is what we are going to go with.  

Lovely Wallpaper

Photo Credit 3

Photo Credit 1: http://untappedcities.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Untapped-Cities-Capuchin-Crypt-4-E-Ryan.jpg

Photo Credit 2: https://wheninroma2012.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/capuchin-crypt2.jpg

Photo Credit 3: http://www.travelinginitaly.info/Italy/Rome_Sights/Entries/2011/5/17_Capuchin_Cemetery_files/shapeimage_3.png

Apollo and Daphne

Apollo and Daphne is the most beautiful freakin' statue you will ever see in your life.  When I am rich and conquer the world, this is going to be the center piece in my garden.  There will also most likely be a herd of alpacas, but that is just so my wife is happy as well.  They just better not freakin' touch my Apollo and Daphne statue.  Or else.  Alpaca Burgers.  

The Borghese Gallery is an amazing place to stumble across while walking through some park in the middle of Rome.  Of course there are plenty of signs around it point to the rather lovely villa, but as I am not known for paying much attention to directions, we just stumbled across it.  We also got lucky and scored some cheap unused tickets to an entrance time that just happened to be starting right when we got there.  On top of that, we ran into some art grad student from Georgia who felt like giving us a tour because we also spoke English and were happy to listen to her explain some random thesis that she was writing.  Hell yeah for being good listeners.  She was also pretty cute, but that is neither here nor there. 

After getting quite bored with having each and every nuance explained, I stumbled across this beautiful work of art.  Apollo and Daphne happens to be my second favorite work of art, and it was just happenstance that it was in the very museum that I wandered into.  If you have not noticed a theme in my traveling, it is that I rarely am able to do the right research before I take off to a new location.  So much for planning.

Beautiful

Photo Credit 1

From one vantage point, Apollo and Daphne looks like two lovers, running through a field.  From the complete opposite side it shows Apollo and a tree.  I have never seen a sculpture that looks as lifelike and passionate as this one.  It is so real, that Apollo has fine hair on his legs, and you would expect the sculpture to feel warm to the touch.  

Sadly, it was not warm to the touch.  Thankfully there were no security guards in the room.

Photo Credit 1: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_and_Daphne#/media/File:ApolloAndDaphne.JPG 

More Freakin' Body Parts

So, while I was in Rome, my compatriots and I stumbled across a few museums that featured some pretty awesome statues, and some were free.  Score!  Never underestimate my desire to travel cheaply and see random carved things.  Of course, I was lucky enough to stumble across some amazing works that must have been famous back in the day, but that is neither here nor there with me.  I am not one who really cares about how famous a work of art is, more interested in just seeing it and learning about it later.  I guess you can say that I travel a bit backwards, but it works for me.

Of course, one of the museums did house my third favorite work of art.  Unfortunately this was not one of the free museums, but you cannot win them all, right?  I know there is some amazing back-story to it, something about it being found in pieces by a farmer and how it is a family that the gods chose to smite - but just admit it, it looks cool.

Notice the Lack of Naughty Bits

There is no way to convey just how powerful the face of the father is in this statue.  When you are standing below the statue, there is a sense of panic and terror.  The look on his face is beyond lifelike.  You want to reach out and touch the skin because you expect it to be warm to the touch, but are somewhat scared that it might be cold with death.  It is a weird mix of emotions.

The other museum that we stumbled into that day looked more like an art class project on body parts.  It was honestly a bit awkward.  Bit of torso here, some toes there, it was like something out of a Renaissance slasher film.  

Make them beefy biceps

I call this one "Giant Picking His Nose"

Tough Actin' Tinactin 

Of course, all of these pale in comparison to my two favorite works of art, Apollo and Daphne, and The School of Athens, but those will be saved for another day. 

Roman Colosseum - Paying is for Chumps

No trip to Rome is complete without paying homage to that great iconic landmark.  I am sure that everyone, when they think about Rome, can only think about one thing - Russell Crowe in armor fighting and (spoiler alert) saving the Republic.  Also there is a pretty big stone oval thingy that happens to be right in the middle of the city.  It has a train stop named after it, so you cannot miss it.  

Save the Republic Maximus!

Photo Credit 1

You exit the station (Colosseo, if memory serves me correctly), walk across the street, and you are there.  There is a massive stone structure in front of you that must have looked amazing before various armies and the Catholic Church ripped a lot of the statues and facade off of it to decorate bathrooms or gardens or some shit.  

Walk from the "M" to the "pin"

Upon walking across the street, you are immediately faced with a line.  Yes, it is like Disneyland, but the characters are a whole lot cooler!  This is your chance to make a choice - wait in this line:

Well, let's see what choice two is...

Photo Credit 2

You could also pay a ticket scalper to cut the line and go with his "tour group".  This is as sketchy as it sounds.  There will be people walking up and down the line, in very heavily accented English, informing you that the line is multiple hours long and you can go with them... for a fee.  Now, if you are pressed for time and have more money than sense, sure.  Enjoy the tour, but know you got taken for a ride. 

We waited for "hours" which was much closer to about 15 minutes.  Pretty sure those scalpers exaggerated just a little bit for dramatic flair.  Basically that line exists only to take your money at the entrance and allow you in.  I am very doubtful that there is some sort of fire code for this building which would limit the amount of people who can enter.  I mean it is made of stone, right?

The best part is the entertainment while you are in line waiting to fork over your cold hard Euros. 

Romans Pretending to be Romans...

Photo Credit 3

Throughout the wait, you are plagued with offers to take pictures with "authentic" Roman soldiers.  You will see soldiers with beer bellies, soldiers who are very clearly not roman, soldiers in plastic helmets, soldiers smoking Marlboro's, soldiers making cell phone calls, and soldiers who are hopefully off-duty and drinking.  If you have seen that episode of Friends where Joey is heading to Las Vegas to make a movie but ends up working at a casino, it is much more accurate to this situation.

Authentic

Photo Credit 4

Of course, after such a wait, you can only hope that you will walk out of a darkened tunnel, right when some gladiator is finishing off some poor sap and Tarantino-esque blood spray is going everywhere.  It is more likely that they will be setting up for a benefit concert or something on the far end of the stadium while some misinformed Christian group is bemoaning the loss of "Christian lives" in this location.  Sadly, they don't quite ever realize that Christians were killed over at the Circus Maximus, but hey, everyone needs a forum to rant.  Get it? Forum?  Roman Forum?  Ok, this post is done.

Feeling Like Gladiator had a bit of C.G.I.

Photo Credit 1: http://photos.wikimapia.org/p/00/02/08/72/04_big.jpg

Photo Credit 2: http://www.adagiotours.net/images/colosseum.line.jpg

Photo Credit 3:  http://regiondo.net/media/catalog/product/cache/3/image/5e06319eda06f020e43594a9c230972d/t/i/ticket-image-11392729078-cropped500-290/colosseum-forum--palatine-tour-of-rome-397ba.jpg
Photo Credit 4: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/a4/50/b8/a450b880d1e3c8ba6a84f7f805d2407b.jpg