Godzilla Destroys Tokyo

My days of breaking and entering have waned in the recent years, but old habits die hard when presented with unique opportunities.  When one is traveling around in new countries one should always be quite wary of getting in trouble with the local police.  Sometimes risks are worth it, and this was one of those times.  

My wife and I were walking around a suburb of Tokyo, visiting old temples, and sampling stores that sold specialty beans.  Yes, you read that correctly, beans.  They were delicious by the way.  They had a size that was pretty close to a lima bean, with a similar texture, but an array of flavors that would make Baskin-Robbins cry with shame, they were nothing short of delicious.  

The Magical Fruit

Japan is not just for expanding the diversity in your food intake, but also good for expanding your interaction with props in pictures of yourself.  Japan can help to take your "selfie" game to the next level.  While I realize that the next picture is not technically a "selfie," I think it should be lumped into that category just due to the sheer epic-ness of the picture.  Thanks Kawagoe! 

Hungry Hungry Hippos

Also, the following picture is just plain good advice. 

I Still Giggle About It

While I am sure that the umbrella makes sense on a Disney level, at my maturity level, it is irresistible.  Yes, on one level that umbrella does seem to just contain Winnie the Pooh, but come on!  Who thought this was a good idea?  This also leads into mannequins that we saw at many department stores.  At certain stores that were going for that "edgy" look, mannequins were given tattoos... in English.  Nothing says edgy American fashion like a mannequin with "friendship" or "cool" in a fake tattoo down one arm.  I guess this is no different than some of the "Asian" tattoos that many Americans sport.

Now, as to the potential for breaking and entering...

It is not every single day that you are walking around around a suburb of Tokyo, looking at various temples and shrines, when you see this beauty.  

Godzilla!

Over 50 years since his first sighting, he was back!  I just had to sneak into the yard, run up to the window and take a picture.  With the grace of Chris Farley in Beverly Hills Ninja, I escaped unseen.  I have since decided that I should be considered for a position in the paparazzi, as I have the ability to sneak up and take creepy photos that capture pure action.  Kikaida and Godzilla?  Illicit meeting?  I think that this photo should be sold to the National Enquirer.  I realize that this may not seem like much to the casual observer, but what are the odds of actually having a Godzilla sighting while you are in the town that he wrecked so very long ago?

Family Resemblance (Photo Credit 1)

Photo 1: https://moviewriternyu.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/godzilla.jpg 

Saitama Seibu Lions

Baseball in Japan should be considered a religious experience.  The game is a quintessential piece of Americana, but like many other "imported" phenomena, it has become a Japanese event.  While devouring Kentucky Fried Chicken and yakisoba, one can watch a game where teams are spurred on to victory by cheerleaders, and life size anime characters dancing on dugouts to time with various taiko groups in the stands.   

I am not sure when it became a goal of mine to see a baseball game in Japan, but I am extremely glad that I was able to experience this ritual first-hand.  I am guessing I made the mistake of watching Mr. Baseball with Tom Selleck at some point in my childhood.

Also, there are girls that sprint up and down the stands with kegs of beer on their backs.  

Yes, They Sprint

I was blown away, how on earth do they train for that?  These girls were the Olympians of bartenders.  It was like someone had created some form of Xena hybrid, strapped a pony keg to her back, and said "I want you to run stairs for the next three hours." 

Come to think of it, I am pretty sure that they were just a new and improved form of Japanese robotics.  I know marathon runners who would have died after doing twenty minutes of what they did.  You would catch their eye and BAM! the race was on, beer in hand in a matter of minutes.  

The game progressed as normal, but there seemed to be something off... I could not put my finger on quite what it was until I realized that it was missing the other piece of Americana - that of the drunk/angry fans.  Fans were respectful, almost to a scary level.  Both teams had a section in the outfield that was reserved for their respective taiko groups, playing ballads to lead their teams to victory.  There was no attempt to play louder than the other group, no beer cups being thrown in disgust at one-another, no jeering and heckling.  It was calm and orderly.  One group would finish their singing and playing, and then the other would pick up as soon as it was polite to do so.  

Then came a home run!

Just "Hom" in this Picture

This is when it gets wild.  Giant stuffed animals are brought to the field, cheerleaders are jumping up and down doing dances in unison on the dugouts, flowers are procured, and the batter is treated like a conquering hero.  Just the way it should be done.  

Nothing says "way to go on that two-run hit" like a carnival sized stuffed animal. 

Nothing is weirder than the seventh inning though.  Here I was expecting peanuts and cracker-jacks and people start pulling out what looks like... well... you should just see for yourself and be the judge of what they look like...

Quite the Musical Experience!

If your brain is anything like mine, those balloons sure looked odd, but I am pretty sure it was just to make them all shoot in the same direction and make that awesome whistling sound.  There were literally thousands of them going off around the stadium - and none of them were on the ground as we left. 

Polite Baseball.

Baseball turned Japanese.

Quite an Experience.  If you ever get a chance to see a game in Japan, regardless of if you are a fan or not, do it.  Where else do hot-dogs and yakisoba go together so well?  (Answer: Nowhere)

An Eye Patch at an Owl Cafe

After arriving in Fukuoka, we set out to meet up with some friends who lived in the area.  They are both involved in couchsurfing and had hosted us for about two nights at the start of our trip.  Unbeknownst to my wife, we had planned a bit of a surprise.  As I am sure everyone who is reading this knows, Danielle loves animals.  I have mentioned before that she thinks that any zoo should be a petting zoo, and that animals that might eat her during the petting process should just be bopped on the nose, then continue to be petted.  Needless to say, I have had to remind her more than once that not all animals enjoy being snuggled.  I am fighting a losing war.

No Eye Patch, Yet

We wandered a bit around Fukuoka to kill some time, all the while with me somehow keeping the secret of where we were going.  Around lunchtime we met up with our friends and enjoyed some pizza.  Now, if you have never had the opportunity to enjoy Japanese pizza, it is an experience like none other.  Whatever combination of toppings you can imagine have already been tried and tested on the Japanese pizza consuming public.  Daikon and onion? Yes.  Pickles and pepperoni?  Hell yes!  We tried it all.  No slice was too funky to be ingested.  Oddly enough, there was no combination that was what I would consider to be disgusting, however a few were just a bit too off for my American tastes.  I do remember loving the Daikon.

 Yum!

One of the other wonderful aspects of being in Japan is the shop-girls yelling at you all the time.  It is not-so-much that you are in trouble, but that they are getting people to come into the store.  Our friend who we were with had absolutely no shame, and decided to do his best impersonation of the shop-girl, much to her chagrin.

We Did Not Get 10% Off...

Off we went, through temples and alleys, past shrines, and a very tall and awkwardly thin building holding what I am going to guess is a mikoshi.

Geocache to the Left

After a bit of wandering around what looks to be a some sort of covered open-air mall, we arrived at an unassuming door.  It slid open, much like a small aircraft hanger door, and a woman who appeared to be in her mid-thirties walked out and started to go through some sort of safety lecture in Japanese.  We were in the back and I was barely paying attention due to my huge lack of Japanese language ability.. and then I saw her through a break in the small group.

She had a huge eye patch over one eye.

I lost it.  I had to turn around and hold in a bellowing laugh that I can only hope I was able to muffle down to some sort of snort.  Here we were at a cafe that specialized in letting patrons hold birds of prey, and the woman giving the safety talk seemed to be missing an eye.  This was epic!  

After buying a very overpriced cup of coffee, they proceeded to let us hold owls.  For those of you who are members of P.E.T.A. and other organizations, you have to remember we were given a safety talk.  See?  Liability covered and happy owls?  

See?  Happiness!

It was my turn to hold an owl.  The lady walks over with an owl perched on her leather glove, talons digging into something that is obviously more dense than my skin, and asks me if I would like to put the owl on my head for a picture.  When someone asks if you want to take a picture with an owl on your head, you should always say yes!

Also, I have been known to be quite dense.

Match Made in Heaven!

We held owls, we played with owls, we frolicked, and we took videos, (which we were not supposed to do at all - shame on us!).  I also made a new friend.  With his internet debut, here is my friend - Mr. Creepy-Face Owl.  Pretty sure that is what his scientific name would be... feel free to correct me in a comment.

See?  Mr. Creepy-Face?  Told You!

If there is a moral to the story, it is this - if ever anyone asks you if you would like to put a predatory animal near your eyes or other soft-tissue, you should always respond immediately with a resounding yes!

The Day I Found the Triforce in Saitama

Finding, assembling, and completing the triforce has been the obsessive quest of nerds since February 21, 1986.  I did not join this quest until I was about 13 when my family got a Nintendo 64 and the new game called Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.  Life changed

Fate called me again at the age of 28 while I was walking through a suburb of Tokyo when I spotted this beauty. 

Right?!!

I freaked, I ran over to the wall of the shrine that it was placed on and immediately took a picture.  It was amazing.  I had been continually rescuing people, fighting through dungeons, and completing meaningless side-quests for so long that I had lost hope. Then, out-of-the-blue this appeared.  Destiny strikes when we least expect it!

As a quick reminder to those of you who had no childhood or were born under a rock, this is the triforce:

 Check out those graphics! 

(Photo Credit 1)

My mind is still blown!

Photo of the Author When He Found the Triforce! 

(Photo Credit 2)

1. http://www.zeldauniverse.net/2011/05/19/ocarina-of-time-vs-majoras-mask-in-igns-zelda-tournament/

2. http://www.the-arcade.ie/2014/11/geek-confessions-legend-of-zelda-ocarina-of-time/

Maruyama Park Attack

We had a few hours to kill before our flight took off for Tokyo, so we decided to wander and geocache while our laundry was running in a combo washer/dryer in downtown Sapporo.  In my infinite wisdom, I suggested that we explore Maruyama Park, which was reasonably close and seemed to hold a few geocaches.  While I have many irrational fears, this knee-jerk suggestion was about to add one more to the list.  

You know the adventure is bound for greatness when you are greeted by a sign like this at the beginning of the path.  Talk about perfect! 

Illegal to Light Butts on Fire

This seems like a perfect idea!  There is also this fabulous sign, which I can only guess is telling park-goers to not hit golf balls at dogs?

Obviously

As we had no matches, golf balls, or dogs with us, we figured it would be safe to venture into the woods.  This of course leads me to wonder now what would have happened if I were to have been hitting flaming golf balls, but I digress.

We wandered around with my wife taking pictures while I was looking for various geocaches.  Sadly it was a complete bust on geocaching in that area, but there were plenty of beautiful things to see and new phobias to develop.  

Nature

We walked around aimlessly until we found a pretty cool shrine with lots of fox statues.  Naturally we had to stop and take pictures of them and admire the chipmunk that decided he wanted to tease us by not allowing us to get close and photograph him.  He was so selfish.  

Foxy

Soon after this is when the proverbial shit hit the fan.  Nature got tired of me.  The forest rejected me and used its crebain-like crows to usher me out.  At first it was as just a bit of chatter coming from one crow.  Then it grew.  Soon it was like the crow was just chanting a war-cry that would end only in my running scared and hiding somewhere a few miles away, or with it standing over my body in triumph.  Thankfully I took up running a few years ago.

Asshole

I remember looking at my wife, knowing that these crows were going to attack and murder me.  I also remember telling my wife that they were angry and we should move, but she continued to take pictures of various trees around her.  One swooped and hit me on the head with a wing (I am guessing that it had a ten-foot wingspan, but this could just be my faulty memory, and how terrified I was of the situation).  It swooped again, and I took off in what I am going to call a controlled and graceful walk.  I am sure it looked more like a arm flailing, full-grown man running from a bird, while cursing uncontrollably.  It not only followed me out of the forest but another half-mile until we were at the edge of the park.  All the time it was calling out, challenging me, warning me.  It was the champion of the forest and I had been shown my place in the pecking order.

One Mile Later - Edge of the Park

Maruyama Park may seem like a tranquil place to take a relaxing walk in Sapporo, but be warned, looks can be deceiving.

Remember that picture I put up earlier of the spill-way running through the forest?  

  For Those of us with Short-Term Memory Loss

Pretty sure this is what it looks like at night:

Damn You Mirkwood! 

(Picture Credit Below)

Thank God we went during the day!

Crows of Mirkwood/Maruyama Park, Sapporo - 1

Rico - 0

Picture Credit - http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Great_Spiders?file=Spiders_Mirkwood.jpg

Lavender and "Treasured Melons"

No trip to Hokkaido is complete during the summer unless you have gone on the pilgrimage to see the flowers.  This is so famous that they even set up a temporary train station (Lavender Station... how fitting).  After taking an older train that seems to only run during the winter months, as it is set up with festive holiday motif, you then take a quick walk to the farms.  

Not Bad for an iPad Camera

The food is a bit over-priced, but the views are stunning.  I am sure that the guidebooks call for an all-day adventure here, but after about two hours of wandering around looking at different flowers, we were pretty much done.  It was hot, we were tired, and we ended up just sitting on a hillside for about forty-five minutes and just relaxing.  Don't get me wrong, it is beyond beautiful, we were just about eight days into our whirlwind trip and we were exhausted.  Also, there is only so much lavender that one can enjoy in any given day.

Posing in Vines

Posing Near Signs

While there are a few farms along the way, it seems that Farm Tomita has the market cornered on the lavender experience.  With booths set up around the farm, walking tours, ice cream (melon is far better than lavender), and a few rooms that are just decorated in flowers.

It does make for a very long day, the train rides along from Sapporo are close to two hours, if you make your connections quickly.  The train to Furano is very quick, but the the Furano to Lavender Station line is about as old and slow as it can get in Japan.  We had already gotten so used to the bullet trains that the thought of going under 100 miles per hour was beyond ridiculous. We were going to walk around a bit after we were done, but after some attempt at that, we found that there is almost nothing else in the area.  While the area is beautiful, it is mostly only set up to take care of the "tourist crowd" in that smaller Farm Tomita area, with the other communities housing the farm/winter support infrastructure.  All that being said, the scenery is unrivaled in most of the other parts we visited in Japan.  Take a picnic and make a day of it.  

Also, if anyone figures out what "treasured melons" are, please let us know.  We wanted to look inside of the tents, but if I were the owner of a field of "treasured melons" I sure would have booby-trapped the shade-houses, so we thought we ought to just give it a wide berth.  

Seems Ominous

Why Sapporo is the Manliest City on Earth

Sapporo is the manliest city on earth.  Period.  If Chuck Norris was Japanese, this is where he would live.  There is no way around it.  Besides the temperatures during the winter that would make the shadowed side of the moon seem warm, it has one major and amazing feature.  The Sapporo Beer Garden.  If you are ever going to visit Sapporo, for the love of God, go here.  You will thank me.  In fact, I am going to link the reservations and information page here.  
Sapporo Beer Garden serves an all you can eat style meal.  Notice the italics.  This is not the American style all you can eat buffet.  There are no lines and no surly waiters who will take forever to get you new drinks.  This is like a restaurant on methamphetamine.  Is your drink running low?  A quick nod to a waiter or a mere mention of it will send someone sprinting to your table.  The turn around on getting a new beer or new platter of food is easier counted in seconds than minutes.  
You arrive thinking you will conquer this style of all you can eat and all you can drink buffet.  Sapporo Beer Garden owns you.  There are no conquerors here, only survivors.  This is my tale of survival.   

veni, vidi, superavi

The Mecca of Meat and Beer

Sapporo Beer Garden serves only a few things, but what they serve is in epic proportions.  You order you meal in terms of minutes.  We ordered for an hour and a half.  We figured that we are American, love to eat, and have been traveling all day - so we would have enormous appetites.  We still got owned.

All Dignity is Gone After This Point

They do not attempt to fill you with rice or other cheap fillers.  It is only mutton, pure and simple (called Jingis Khan, sure you can figure out the reference).  You can order it raw or frozen.  You then cook it on your table.  You have a choice of a few beers.  They make sure your glass is never even close to dry.  This is what your hour and a half look like:

Other Crap Added for Color

Picture that being refreshed about every five minutes for an hour and a half.  It is insane.  You feel your arteries clogging.  You know somewhere there is a sheep that died just for your table.  You eat meat so voraciously that Conan the Barbarian would tell you to slow down a little, and perhaps think about ordering a side salad.  You trudge on.  It is no longer a meal, it is a journey, a quest.

  Neither Glass Ever Came Close to Empty

With a food service culture that prides itself on making sure the customer is taken care of, your glasses never go dry.  One more beer?  Sure, why not.  It appears almost as soon as you utter the first syllable of your request.  

You leave feeling both proud and ashamed.  You know you were the sole cause of a small flock of sheep dying, but at the same time, you have a new-found appreciation for all things meat and beer.

Sapporo is an amazingly beautiful city and we were able to stay with a great host who helped us find a lot to do during their "non-tourist" season (summer).  One of my goals in life will be to visit Sapporo during the winter snow festival season, see the ice sculptures, and once again do epic battle with the Sapporo Beer Garden.