Thursday, May 28, 2015

The Day Jesus Appeared in my Work Printer

Everyone who has been around for some period of time, or is familiar with any sort of religious conspiracy theory has heard of the Shroud of Turin.  For those of you who were either born under a rock or value your sanity enough to not have spent time looking into this historical hoax, here is a bit of information.

The day started just like any other normal work day - cup of coffee, pretending to work hard while just working down the hours, etc.  (In case my boss reads this... that was sarcasm...)

So, I was just going about my business, and saw that I had a printer jam.  The printer screen told me that I needed to open up the back to remove a piece of paper.  With the technology at my school, breakdowns like this are quite normal.  With coffee in one hand and a sense of curiosity in the other, I opened the back.  Little did I know that this would be the moment that changed my life.

This was staring back at me...



That is not a Photoshop, that is the back of my Xerox printer. 
Holy crap, are you kidding me?  For reference, here is the Shroud of Turin:


I honestly think mine is better.  Look carefully at both of those pictures.  I hate to say this, as I am not the most religious person around, but I think Jesus visiting my printer with His holy face.  

So, I did what any normal person would do in this situation, I went to the source.  I figured between both God and Xerox, someone could give me an answer.  Not knowing how to contact either one of these entities, I searched for them on Facebook.  


Sadly, God never responded to me...


Xerox also decided against responding...

So, in an effort to shame God into a response, I skipped his private line and just went straight to his Facebook wall.  


Again, I got no response from God.  I am sure he was off solving lots of problems in the world.  I am pretty sure that is why ISIS was defeated, women were empowered, and all world hunger ended last week Friday.  

Oddly enough, the only response I got was from this guy... 


Well, at least we know who actually answers our questions...  



Note: This all did happen, and can be verified by checking the various Facebook pages.  There were also a lot of students who saw the image inside the back of the printer who can verify this actually did happen, and is not Photoshop.