Saturday, April 18, 2015

Starbucks in Waimea

During the course of writing a blog post I had the opportunity to watch humanity while sitting outside a Starbucks in Waimea.

There will not be pictures as this is a small island and I have no desire to get my ass kicked.

The following observations are totally and completely judgmental because I am an asshole.  There is no point in trying to deny my ways, so sit back and enjoy.

The first person of interest would have to be the very blonde white lady who is wearing a see-through dress and is giving out relationship advice and bragging about her uncle who runs a business.  I am very happy for her placement in society, but also have no need to see her thong.  Thanks for that random white lady.  By the way, if you have been divorced three times you might not want to give out relationship advice.  She also has super-human intuition and her friends follow her blindly.  It must be difficult being so perfect.

The second will get to be a group of teenagers who are wasting time and pretty much wasting air-space near me.  Thanks for your extremely stupid conversation that has made me dumber just by being in your vicinity.  I am starting to think that teenagers should be banned from public locations for reasons of supporting public health and morale.

The third amazing people watching observation would have to be the people on their way to a wedding, possibly the bride and groom in a rental car running in to get coffee.  I have been there and done that.  You will need a lot more coffee.  Trust me.  Also, way to hold open the door for her buddy.  Nothing says classy like holding open the door while holding a soy latte add-shot caramel walled frappuchino.  You win.

The fourth person that got to observe was the guy who was coming down from drugs and wanted to sit at my table with me while I wrote.  He had to be the most pleasant person of the day.  Thankfully he also did not try to hang around too long, as he had to go off and smoke a cigarette.  I would take a drug addict over teenagers any day of the week.

Last group - the teenage girl towing a guy around with her.  Hand holding is cute, but if you are dragging the guy around, he probably does not want to be holding hands with you.  Just so you know, if he wants to be with you at that point, he will be keeping pace.

God, I love Starbucks and being judgmental.  Something about sitting on a laptop, belittling my fellow humans while sipping a black coffee just makes me feel like a better person.  Yeah, pretty sure I am a horrible person, but we all secretly love to do this.  At least I am honest about it.

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