Saturday, March 21, 2015

Deer Suck, but Nara is Awesome!

Nara is a quaint sprawling area marked with temples, beautiful scenery, and the worlds most ravenous deer.  The deer do to Nara and the people who visit here what the velociraptors in Jurassic Park do to that guy with the shotgun.  They lure you into trusting them and BAM! deer attack from the side, stealing your food, your maps, and your dignity.

Yes, deer are super cute, but after my trip to Nara, the next deer I want to see should be on a dinner plate and not trying to pan-handle crackers off of me.  Get a job, deer!  Stop begging!  Have you no dignity!?!

No Dignity Whatsoever!

Deer in Nara are protected and all around Nara you will find people who are selling these circular wafers that are supposed to be delicious to deer, (but tasted a lot like old compressed dry bread to me).  Deer wait in packs near these vendors for unsuspecting tourists like myself, and pounce!  They smell your fear and weakness, and know just how to target you.

It is also quite fun to put a deer cracker onto a backpack or back pocket of an unsuspecting person and watch them act very confused as the deer try to bite it off of them.  I must have spent about $10 just doing this activity.  The looks of realization are priceless.  

There are also old war veterans who know how to control the deer.  If I have ever seen a "don't fuck with me face," this one is it.  Sorry for the language, but I am sure you will understand with the picture.

One Instantly Burst Into Flames

Deer are also masters of surprise and evasion.  Take a look at the following photo and try to find the deer in it.  I will give you a hint.  There are four deer.  Look really closely.  One should be obvious, but the rest have a level of stealth that would make the active camouflage in the Alien movies seem childish.

Look Closely

This all leads us to the epic showdown.  I was walking along a trail, minding my own business and out comes this little deer.  I thought he was cute and decided to give him a cracker.  Worst mistake of my life.  As I grab a cracker, he grabs my beautiful plastic covered full size map.  We get into a tug-of-war game while a few people watch.  I finally gave up, (I now know deer are quite strong), and he sat there eating my map.  Slowly.  Just enjoying and savoring the plastic-tasting victory.  It started as a few chews, and then you could tell he did not even want it anymore.  He was only eating my map as a way of proving his dominance.  I could do nothing but stand there and watch - in shame.  It took him ten minutes to devour my dignity.   

Asshole

There are some amazing things to see in Nara, massive temples, cultivated trees that are older than civilization on the European Continent, and deer.  If you ever wanted a reason to eat more venison, visit Nara.

Also See the Largest Bronze Buddha in the World